dammit. not writing this shakuntala paper now. i am kinda hungry and i still haven't emailed the other paper to jkoss.

earlier today (yesterday), would have called it DAY OF MYSTERIOUS COINCIDENCES; now, am not so sure. however. it was, to be sure, v. fucked up. a long day, a long nap, a long talk and a couple of walks- seeing people all over the fcuking place- classes and le fumage and dave and table manners.

checked voicemail, and liz sounded even more like she wanted to go without me.

that was weird. liz thought that i was mad at her, but i wasn't. i just feel like there's something she wasn't saying, coz it really sounded like she WANTED to go alone, which is obviously fine but then why didn't she just say it?

bathroom party at the end of the week, btw. i'm not getting really excited about it- in fact i think i ought to do my best to completely avoid excitement, given how good friday went (blech). i prolly won't even fit into what i want to wear, so i'm not overly concerned. okay, armed with my coffee (two cups of shitty brown water from the dining hall- i've hit a new low) i am going to write my paper (finally) and get up to scripps. god i want a friggin cigarette.

waking up is hard to do.... i feel shitty.

end of a long day where things do not feel any more resolved when your head is moving towards the pillow than they did when you were trying to pry your head away from said pillow many hours prior. spending a lot of time with liz and erik (and now dave)- i think we're kinda cliquish and i see this as a problem. the children find out about sponsorness tomorrow--- too too weird. i have yet to post for class or to write any response papers for art history: i may be going for a record, if i don't flunk out of school first. i am becoming increasingly anti-social; i don't see this as a huge problem. the past couple times that i've come home, i've felt a strong desire to live somewhere else- i'd rather live in a much more anonymous situation, where people didn't know each other- but still have my own room. i suppose i'd like sharing an apartment with a roommate, provided we got along... and i cleaned up more than i do now. saw him on my way to class today, for the first time in a while (like ever) was not overwhelmingly attracted to him upon visual contact- yay. maybe i'm finally getting over some issues. i think he and chris resemble each other, in some bizarre fashion- they've both got this incredibly cute facial structure. and to end this rambling, table manners is tomorrow and dan korn is spinning. liz and i discussed the possibility of cocktails and an early start to the evening since dave is in town- if i get some of this work done, it could be delightful.

Having one of those days when you can't even really bring yourself to do the repetetive, OCD-like tasks that at least mirror functionality while your brain continues doing loop-de-loops elsewhere. I think the study abroad thing is very much not going to work out--- and that's probably contributing to the lack of a grasp on reality. I think listing everything else that's working to keep me that much further from sanity wouldn't be superproductive right now, and would probably make matters worse. It's so bizarre to me that it's april already, that we're headed for another may and another summer so soon.... and it doesn't help that i have no idea what i'm doing this summer. bleagh bleagh bleagh.